Without You
by Marianya
Summary: I promised myself I would get this in before Thanksgiving, but I wanted to do it really early in the morning. Oh well... based on the anime version deals with the one controversal aspect of the Mamoru/Usagi relationship. Bring a tissue or two... Let me k


Title: Without You  
Author: Marianya  
Lyrics By: Jonathan Larson  
Rating: G  
Date Developed: Oct. 2, 00Date Revised: Oct. 4, 00  
  
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Author's Note:  
  
Okay here's another song fiction that came about while listening to my   
collection of CD's. I am STILL writing that fanfiction, don't expect   
it to come out until the upcoming summer.  
  
This song fiction is set during the time of the Mamoru/Usagi   
separation, which means... OH MY GOD! The anime version. This song   
fiction is strictly descriptive; dialogue will be reduced to very very   
few lines, and more thoughts. This is to show the pain and emotions   
that both characters are feeling.  
  
'Without You' is from the musical Rent.  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
I do not, will not, own any part of Sailor Moon. The characters and   
story line belong to that talented writer, Naoko Takeuchi. I simply   
take a piece of the story line and show the emotional side for the   
purposes of this story.  
  
I do not own the musical Rent or it's songs. They belong to the late   
Jonathan Larson, may his soul rest in peace and prosperity.  
  
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Without You  
  
***********  
  
Without you   
The ground thaws  
The rain falls  
The grass grows  
  
Without you  
The seeds root  
The flowers bloom  
The children play  
  
***********  
  
Tokyo was blessed with a light rainfall this night. The rain pitter-  
pattered against the rooftops throughout the city. The sky showed hues   
of the continuing sunset with indigo, violet, red, pink and orange; the   
clouds were hovering above the horizon as the rain began to let up.   
The fallen raindrops lingered on the rose petals in the park, giving   
them a teary complexion. Many of the roses were beginning to bloom as   
the spring slowly changed to summer. Other fallen raindrops lingered   
on the leaves of various trees throughout the park, weeping willows,   
when brushed by the still warm breeze, weeped in sorrow and in pain.   
  
It would seem that the entire natural life in Tokyo was in mourning,   
mourning the pain and loss of one girl's heart. The girl, whose smile   
would brighten the cloudiest of days, who's laughing eyes could melt   
the iciest of hearts. No longer felt the need to laugh, no longer felt   
the joy that was once the centerpoint of her character. Now, all she   
felt was pain, sorrow, heartbreak emotions that should never have   
touched her, that should never darken her light, if it were not for a   
dream.  
  
***********  
  
The stars gleam  
The poets dream  
The eagles fly  
Without you  
  
***********  
  
Every night, the dream would come, and every night he would awake to   
the same conclusion. Stay with her and she will die Could he   
possibly live with that dream if it were true? The answer, he thought   
was quite obvious, as long as I stay with Usagi, she would not live to   
see another day. I can't live with that so he left her. Pushed her   
away from his aching heart in the only way to save her from... from   
him. As long as my darkness does not come in contact with her light,   
she would live   
  
How many days has he spent wide awake in his bed wondering if he was   
deserving enough of her, wondering why was he the special someone in   
his beautiful rabbit's life? He never felt that he deserved her, she   
did not deserve him, did not deserve his pain, his darkness, his   
sorrow. But her mind and spirit were unyielding. Refused to give up   
on him, refused to let him go. In the end the barrier broke, and after   
a thousand years they were back together, like they should have been   
long ago.  
  
But then the dreams came, and in order to save her, he must let her go.   
The hardest thing that he could have possibly done, to himself, to let   
go the only light in his life, to let go of the one thing that he held   
closest in his heart, that he held in his heart.  
  
After so many minutes, or was it hours lying on his cold, unforgiving   
bed, he stood up and walked over to his balcony. He knew that will   
always regret what he had done, but she would live through it, in the   
end she always come out on top. Why should this be any different?  
  
Because Mamoru, my friend that little subconscious whispered to him   
now that she has met you, and has fallen in love with you, you are the   
only thing that allows her to continue living. She didn't have me   
before she met me because soulmates shouldn't let go of one another.  
  
The same inner argument every night. The same fight that Mamoru had   
with his subconscious and in the end his mind won out. The logic   
always wins at the end then why do I feel like I made the worst   
decision in my life?.   
  
Mamoru looked out the window, and saw the glimmering stars, the   
brightness that always shown out in the night sky, never fail to come   
out every night. For some reason, lately, especially tonight, the same   
brightness was dulled somewhat, as if all the stars have been in   
lamentation.  
  
The birds no longer sing when they were in the sky, their flights were   
just a bit lower, a bit more sorrowful nowadays.  
  
***********  
  
The earth turns  
The sun burns  
But I die  
Without you  
  
***********  
  
The sun was peeking out the window, allowing it's bright hues to glaze   
over the still figure on the bed. The figure was not asleep, she was   
never able to sleep for more than a few minutes. The sun's futile   
attempts to lift her spirits every morning since their breakup always   
ended in more pain. The sunbeams then grew to slightly darker shade of   
golden yellow. No bright warming sunlight this day, no more happy   
smiles, no more joyous laughs, just tears, and pain.  
  
Almost as if that sunshine died the day of their breakup.  
  
***********  
  
Without you  
The breeze warms  
The girl smiles  
The cloud moves  
  
Without you  
The tides change  
The boys run  
The oceans crash  
  
***********  
  
The girl walked slowly to the temple of her closest friend. The fiery   
priestess always had ways of reassuring her or giving her a shoulder to   
cry on, which happened more frequently. The girl continued walking   
with her long silver blond hair pulled up in twin buns, dragging along   
the sidewalk behind her.  
  
A warm late spring breeze swirled from the sky and danced around the   
solemnly walking girl, lifting the ponytails from the ground in an   
attempt to raise the girl's spirits. The breeze tried to caress the   
girl's face in order to soothe her spirit, but nothing worked. The   
breeze slowly diminished in distress not knowing if this was truly the   
end.  
  
The priestess spotted the silver blond girl walking up the many stairs,   
and felt her own heart break in pain. There was nothing that any of   
her friends could do to lift their closest friend's spirits. She was   
the glue that kept them together, she was their sunshine, and without   
that sunshine, their own lives grew increasingly colder.  
  
This day the four of them were attempting to take the little bunny to   
the beach, in hopes that the ocean and waves would take her out of her   
darken trance.  
  
The sound of the roaring waves could be heard from afar, but that   
didn't stop the girls from making their closest friend go with them to   
the beach. Laughter was heard from the sand as young boys started   
running back and forth throwing Frisbees in every which way. Older   
boys walked around the beach with swimming trunks and well-defined   
muscles, and girl were swooning over them. Nothing could take the poor   
rabbit out of her pained trance. No matter what happens around her,   
nothing could keep her out of her trance, "Mamo-chan" was all she said   
with a river of silent tears beginning to flow.  
  
***********  
  
The crowds roar  
The days soar  
The babies cry  
Without you  
  
The moon glows  
The river flows  
But I die  
Without you  
  
***********  
  
The girl was walking, once again in the park along the lakeside. She   
watched as the ducklings swim from the edge to the center and back.   
She saw the fishes underneath the mirror and how they seem to be   
oblivious to everything around them.   
  
Her friends' attempts at the beach ended when she started to cry, so   
they left her alone, allowing shoulders to be cried upon every now and   
then. No one felt like enjoying themselves, not when someone was   
weeping as their Usagi-chan.  
  
Usagi gave up watching the ducklings go by and instead decided to walk   
over to the benches, and watch the moon rise over the night sky.  
  
As she reached the park bench she contemplated actually sitting on the   
bench or on the wet grass. After the long seconds she sat on the bench   
and raised her head towards the full moon. Usagi closed her tear   
stricken eyes and prayed that something would help her raise her   
spirits. There Usagi sat, her long ponytails pooled around her feet,   
the glow gone, her eyes again began to fill with tears as she continued   
to pray to the Moon Kingdom, to her mother, in hopes that something   
would give her strength.  
  
***********  
  
The world revives  
  
***********  
  
Mamoru glazed over the street below his feet. He had taken a walk   
around the city that day, he had wanted to go to the beach as well, but   
during his walk that morning he over heard two of his bunny's friends   
talking about taking his bunny to the beach in order to lift her   
spirits.   
  
His heart jumped at the thought of seeing his Usako once again, but   
then his mind reminded him about the dreams that he had been having,   
and before his heart could protest, his logic won out.  
  
Mamoru's gaze wandered at the various cars that went back and forth   
beneath the street lamp, and wondered why was the world so cruel to   
him. Why after waiting for so long would he have to leave her again?   
It was as if all the stars and all the fates were working against him   
against his heart.  
  
He knew that his Usagi might be able to live without him, but would he   
be able to recover from this ill-fated tragedy?  
  
***********  
  
Colors renew  
  
***********  
  
Usagi looked at all the blooming roses around her and tears started to   
fall again from her already red eyes. The colors were vibrant and   
beautiful, but it's beauty did not hold for long, soon after the petals   
dropped in sorrow at the sight of the tear stricken girl that gazed   
above.  
  
***********  
  
But I know blue  
Only blue  
Lonely blue  
Within me blue  
Without you  
  
***********  
  
Blue Roses, why are there no blue roses? Usagi thought solemnly.   
Blue, the color of sadness, of pain, of... of a soul love. How could   
a color of such purity be so cold? As cold as the ice that Mercury   
wields during battles  
  
Usagi continued to gaze upon the brightly colored moon, her emotions   
taking on a more depressing outlook. Nothing to help her hope for the   
future, nothing to assure her that their love would ever come back,   
nothing to help her see the pain that her Mamo-chan was going through   
as well...  
  
Usagi gave up searching for answers and instead tried to clear her   
mind. She had been in this state for weeks, and it was getting worse   
by the minute. She had to move on, for the sake of her family, for the   
sake of her friends, for the sake of the planet that she sworn to   
protect. So Usagi slowly stood up from the stone cold, park bench and   
walked to the bridge that went across the lake. She would look at the   
reflection of the Moon from the top of the bridge.  
  
***********  
  
Without you  
The hand gropes  
The ear hears  
The pulse beats  
  
***********  
  
As Usagi reached the top of the bridge she leaned over the railing and   
watched the crystalline lake below her. Slight ripples began to form   
as her tears hit the water, one by one. Slowly she closed her sky blue   
eyes, in an effort to stop the tears form continuing. Instead of the   
darkness that she had hoped to see, she saw the face of the one that   
she loved.  
  
His smile, his jawline, his eyes, his beautiful ocean blue eyes that   
she fell in love with in twice in two lifetimes. His whole face there   
in front of her eyes. With trembling hands she reached out slowly   
towards the image of her Mamo-chan and tried to caress his cheek.   
  
She saw how lovingly his eyes looked at her, how beautiful they were,   
how sad they seem to be. Her pulse quicken slowly as she 'thought' she   
felt the warmth of her love's cheek brush against her fingertips. Her   
heart continued to pump faster as she slowly fell in love with the   
image of her love in her mind's eye.  
  
So spellbound she was with her mind's image of Mamoru, her ears failed   
to give her a warning of a presence nearby that was watching her every   
move through ocean-blue eyes and a melancholy expression.  
  
***********  
  
Without you   
The eyes gaze  
The legs walk  
The lungs breathe  
  
***********  
  
He did not know why he felt that urge to be at the gardens. His heart   
wanted him to be there that night, since his mind has been winning the   
past few times, it only seemed fair to follow his heart this night.  
  
So Mamoru was at the park, walking ever so slowly towards the lake,   
perhaps no one would be there tonight, that way I could just sit there   
and think about my bunny. Mamoru continued to walk the path towards   
the lake, his legs walking on their own accord, allowing his mind to   
wander towards other things. So enthralled he was in his own mind that   
he failed to take notice of another figure upon the bridge.  
  
His mind was able to register the other person as young, and beautiful,   
two streamers of silver blond hair flowed all around her in a pool of   
spun gold. Her posture was not what caused Mamoru to feel such   
discomfort, it was the way her hand was reaching out the air, as if   
reaching out for someone, for someone that wasn't there.  
  
His heart broke as his eyes took in the picture before him. How   
lovingly her hand seemed to feel the image in front of her, how   
beautiful she always seemed to be no matter what emotion she's feeling.   
His breath stopped as he watched the angel before him continue to   
caress the open air in front of her.  
  
He stood there for several long antagonizing minutes watching as the   
angel continued to caress and feel the air over the bridge, a small   
smile shown on her face, a smile of love, of longing.  
  
***********  
  
The mind churns  
The heart yearns  
The tears dry  
Without you  
  
Life goes on  
But I'm gone  
Cause I die  
  
***********  
  
Usagi never felt a presence close by, all she knew was the face of   
Mamoru swimming in front of her closed eyes. Her left hand still by   
his cheek feeling the warmth, the love that she wished would be there   
always.  
  
Mamoru saw this yearning and his mind almost broke under the strain of   
her pain. Almost, he still had the dreams to go back to each night, as   
long as those dreams continue, he must do everything in his power to   
have her live no matter how intense the pain was for the both of them.  
  
Usagi slowly opened her eyes, hoping, praying that seeing Mamoru's face   
wasn't a dream, but in seeing the empty air in front of her, her heart   
broke again, and the opened wound poured forth once again. She wasn't   
crying though, she refused to continue crying. Instead she let the   
previous tears dry as her heart yearned for the love that was no longer   
there.  
  
Mamoru watched with a broken heart as his love struggled against her   
forthcoming tears. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and   
brush away her tears with his fingers never leaving her side. His   
heart yearned for her as it always will, while as his mind shouted at   
him for continuing to pine over her.  
  
"I love you, my dear Usako. If I have to die for letting you go, so be   
it. It is but a small price to pay to see you alive and safe." Mamoru   
whispered to his angel before turning around slowly and walked   
hesitantly towards his apartment. In his trek towards his apartment he   
failed to hear the voice of his angel who seemed to have answered his   
proclamation.  
  
"It does not matter, my dear Mamo-chan, if you dream of my death on our   
wedding day. For without you, I have already died vulnerable and   
alone."  
  
***********  
  
Without you  
Without you  
Without you  
Without you  
  
***********  
  
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Author's Note:  
  
So how do you like it? Was it over emotional? No emotion? Too   
descriptive? I think I like giving everything around Usagi and Mamoru   
a sense of life. How else would you describe the pain without using   
dialogue?  
  
Was this a little longer than you were expecting from a song fiction?   
I only hope to please and amuse.  
  
As always compliments, criticisms, or even a note saying that you read   
this and have no feelings for it whatsoever are all fine. E-mail at   
AsnBluRse@aol.com  
  
Until my next song fiction... ja ne!  



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